Maddie Studdon opens up on her battle for Blues comeback: “I thought about walking away, for good”

There was a time late last year when rugby league nearly lost Maddie Studdon forever ⁠— the 26-year-old star was in a “dark place” after a shock State of Origin snub, and was tempted by the thought of hanging up her boots for good.

Maddie Studdon was the beating heart of New South Wales’ star-studded squad for the last few years, including their historic 16–10 win in the series’ first official “State of Origin” meeting, and a 14–4 triumph a year later at North Sydney Oval.

It was a shock for the St George Illawarra halfback, then, when she was warned by Andrew Patmore that she would be stepping aside for Origin debutant Mel Howard.

Studdon’s dumping left her in a “dark place,” the star revealed.

There was even a moment, the Blues veteran admitted ahead of her return to the game’s biggest arena on Friday evening, that she was “set” on turning away the Dragons for NRLW 2020 and walking away from rugby league.

“It was the hardest drop I’ve ever had,” she said. “My mental state wasn’t okay… I just wanted to walk away from the sport. I didn’t know what to do.”

Studdon captained the Blues to back-to-back Origin victories before being dropped.

Studdon turned to her teammates after the snub.

“I went through a lot with my cousin passing away, then not having the best year with form, and then getting dropped for Origin,” she continued. “I’ll always be proud to wear this jersey… It wasn’t good in the mental health area.

“But I had the girls around me, especially my best friend Tiana [Penitani], and if it wasn’t for her and Izzy [Isabelle Kelly] I just don’t think I’d be back in this spot.”

Studdon added that she felt helpless as she watched New South Wales beaten ⁠— for the very first time in the “State of Origin” arena ⁠— by a Tamika Upton-led Queensland outfit on the Sunshine Coast.

It made her feel even worse about her dropping.

“I just wanted a break to clear my head, and maybe do something else, but I didn’t know what that was. I just had doubt in my head, I wasn’t thinking straight. There was a lot going on and I wasn’t in a good headspace,” Studdon said.

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The solution though, Maddie continued, wasn’t leaving rugby league at all; in fact, it was totally the opposite. Once she began her preseason training with the Dragons ahead of the NRLW 2020 premiership season, she felt a fire in her belly. All she wanted, the 26-year-old explains, was to fight her way back into the Origin battle.

“I got straight back into training in pre-season and I started loving it again. I couldn’t believe I was thinking of walking away. I love this sport, I’m very grateful I stayed around, I don’t know what I’d be doing if it wasn’t for rugby league.

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“It’s unreal to be back with the Blues, it definitely feels like home. I’m so excited to be able to be part of this again and grateful I got the opportunity.”

Friday’s game will mark Maddie’s seventh Blues game, and her third Origin battle.

Back in blue again, Studdon is eager to make up for lost time and make amends for her state’s 2020 series defeat. Luckily, the halfback is surrounded by a host of superstar NRLW players, named in New South Wales’ 2021 squad.

That includes close friends Penitani and Kelly, 2019 hero Jess Sergis, state skipper Kezie Apps, and plenty more. The list ⁠— named by coach Kylie Hilder earlier this year ⁠— already had Studdon’s eyes lighting up a week out from her comeback game.

She said: “I want to play eyes-up footy, play smart footy and really know where we want to end our sets. In attack, we want to use our backs as much as we can. I have to be the smart one, controlling things in the middle so we can get it out wide.

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“We have the best backs, I believe, in all of Australia, so if we can use them to the best of their ability on Friday, that’ll be unbelievable.”

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