‘Can’t adapt’: England coach dishes up early excuses that read like Ashes capitulation

England’s head coach, Brendon McCullum, has dished up some words for his team ahead of the Ashes series in Australia at the end of the month — and while some of it makes sense, most of it feels like a capitulation before the series has even begun.

McCullum’s (not so) wise words came around the same time that England sagged to a third straight defeat in Wellington against New Zealand, despite boasting Test squad stars like Jamie Smith, Ben Duckett, and Joe Root.

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Those 50-over losses won’t matter, though, McCullum said, as England figures out its woes.

Except, here’s what he dished up: England needs “good, flat wickets” to be “a very, very good cricket team.”

Hmm… wouldn’t that be true for every international squad loaded with batters that can take advantage of the flat track? There’s a whole moniker some players are whacked with that relates exactly to this situation, we’d even add.

The rest wasn’t great from McCullum either. “When the wickets have a little bit in them and they’re a bit more challenging, whether that be spin or seam or swing, we probably can’t quite adapt our tempo quick enough,” he admitted. “We’ve got some talented players, but, unfortunately, our performances at the moment in this form… aren’t quite up to scratch.”

He did add they’re looking to rectify that by the time the Ashes start, but it’s not great either way.

He also added there’ll be “no excuses” come Perth, but again, that feels at odds with what he’d already said.

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Not that any Australian fan is going to be complaining, of course, if the England cricket coach admits they can only play Test cricket on wickets that suit their playing style perfectly right before arguably the biggest five-match series on the calendar. Without too much bravado, these quotes must have put every Aussie bowler’s tail up, and then some.

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Whether England “rectifies” their issues before we get to the first rubber on November 21 does remain to be seen — and it’s not like Australia is coming into the five-match clash red-hot either after falling to the travelling Indians 2–1 in what turned out to be a slog-fest T20 International series.

We’ll have to wait until the first ball is bowled to really see the state of play, though.

All the action starts on November 21, at 1:20pm at Optus Stadium.